Both of them complaining about “kids” (AKA mobile devices) these days.

This. It would be mac and pc both begging the younger generation to use a laptop or desktop instead of a phone or tablet.

I have never known anyone to associate Windows with a high performance Bugatti Veyron car.

People don't choose Windows for speed, they choose it because its well known so it has a favorable learning curve for users to operate, has high compatibility with software & hardware available to consumers, and is generally inexpensive to buy.