true.

i find my girlfriends the most attractive when they were at their 'worst'. i liked sweat pants, bun hair, and shopping at the grocery store for a meal. they only found me attractive when i was dressed up and shiny and taking them on a expensive dinner date.

it sucks. still stuck in this pattern where the ladies i date HATE the things I love. super jealous of my friends who have wives who have zero interest in expensive restaurants and dressing up.

Sorry to hear that! Maybe you need to rethink your dating approach...

i can't change who is attracted to me. only fancy women want to date me. on dating apps i just get an endless stream of high end designer handbag women sending me messages. i got two messages this morning on hinge.

i dress like a schlub, it makes no sense. schlub women want nothing to do with me. i send all my messages/matches to schlub ladies, but they never reply.

i dress like a schlub, it makes no sense. schlub women want nothing to do with me. i send all my messages/matches to schlub ladies, but they never reply.

This looks like a logic problem: If you're dressing like a shlub, and only attracting fancy dressed women, while your desire is to attract schlub dressed women, but schlub dressed women aren't interested in your current projected self, then it seems you should dress fancy yourself (for your app pictures at least). While you might still attract fancy dressed women, you might also attract the attention of shlub dress women as well.

i dress like a schlub, it makes no sense. schlub women want nothing to do with me. i send all my messages/matches to schlub ladies, but they never reply.

This looks like a logic problem: If you're dressing like a shlub, and only attracting fancy dressed women, while your desire is to attract schlub dressed women, but schlub dressed women aren't interested in your current projected self, then it seems you should dress fancy yourself (for your app pictures at least). While you might still attract fancy dressed women, you might also attract the attention of shlub dress women as well.

But, then he'd be "lying" about how he wants to dress, and he'd be expected to dress fancy all the time. That's not who he is, it seems.

i don't ever dress fancy. i am not going to falsely advertise myself. not everyone is an amoral manipulator seeking to optimize their image. i don't own a suit and haven't worn one in 15 years. i don't have a 'projected self' either. I am what i am, unlike the women who want to date me, who are often liars and fakers.

lying to people is a shitty way to date. i'd know. most of my exes were liars who thought lying to me was totally cool because i was a 'stupid man' and they 'knew better'.

I'm not on dating apps, so perhaps I don't know all the protocol, but if I see someone dressed for fishing holding a fish, I don't automatically assume they always dress for fishing. If someone is dressed up fancy, it could have been taken at a wedding and no one would accuse them of deception if they didn't always dress up in wedding formal, no?

OP could put a text disclaimer in the post: "The pictures don't represent how I normally dress. I very rarely dress fancy."

I don't automatically assume they always dress for fishing

…fuck; is that why people keep getting weirded out when I show up for the first date?