Lairmore had testified that the sandwich “exploded all over” his chest and claimed he could smell mustard and onions. But a photo showed that the sandwich was still in its wrapper on the ground after it hit Lairmore in his bulletproof vest.

So he perjured himself, then? Surely something's going to come of that? No? Huh, okay, then.

He also claimed he felt it through his Kevlar vest. Didn't know sandwiches are more powerful than bullets.

He also claimed he felt it through his Kevlar vest. Didn’t know sandwiches are more powerful than bullets.

Clearly this was a Subway sandwich with an armor piercing tungsten penetrator ingredient. Evidence submitted by the prosecution cited Subway corporation's recent advertising campaign featuring the slogan "I can't get enough of that tungsten!". This branding campaign was, of course, a backpedal from Subway's previous offering of a Depleted Uranium penetrator which was largely shunned by sandwich consumers as being 'unhealthy'. /s